


with all my asexual heart

by mooose_sgabriel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Sam Winchester, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Gabriel (Supernatural) is a Saint, Gabriel Loves Sam Winchester, Happy Ending, Letters, M/M, Sam Winchester Loves Gabriel, Sam Winchester is a Saint, Sweet Gabriel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-11 20:36:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19934125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooose_sgabriel/pseuds/mooose_sgabriel
Summary: Sam Winchester writes a letter to his boyfriend, Gabriel. A very emotional letter.





	1. Sam’s Letter to Gabriel

**Author's Note:**

> to all you asexual people out there!  
> i love you! <3

_Gabriel_ , 

Gabey, Gabriella, Gabes—and whatever other nickname I call you, hi. It’s July 22nd, and right now you’re probably cooking dinner for us in the kitchen, and sneaking a few pieces of brownies from the fridge into your mouth. Either that, or you’re planning a payback prank on my brother because of that stupid, but somewhat hilarious, prank war you two have got going on. 

Whatever it is that you’re doing, please stop and put your full attention to this letter. You should be reading this letter in about 20 to 25 minutes from now, and while you’re reading I just want you to know that I love you with every muscle in my body. 

And please, please don’t leave me after this. 

I can’t say this to your face, because I’m afraid of the worst. I’m afraid of you getting mad, I’m afraid of you leaving me, I’m afraid of you trying to ‘fix’ me, and anything else that lurks in my nightmares about me coming out about this to you. 

You’ve been my boyfriend for the past year. And this past year has been the year of my entire life. You make me so happy, you make me feel like I’m on cloud nine. You’re romantic, you’re a gentleman, you make me laugh, you make my stomach flip whenever you smile, you’re sweet, and you’re understanding. What I’m trying to say is: you’re the man of my dreams and I wouldn’t trade you for a billion dollars. 

So please, as the man of my dreams, don’t leave me. 

I’m crying right now as I’m writing this, locked away and hidden in the upstairs bathroom. I’m crying because I can only think of the worst. 

Throughout our entire relationship, we’ve gotten to second base. We’ve kissed, made out, and seen each other naked. 

But we haven’t had sex. We haven’t done anything sexual for that matter, and I feel terrible about it. I can see how turned on you are when we shower together, and it makes me feel so guilty because I just wish I could give you what you want. I wish I wasn’t this way, I wish I could just have sex with you and please you the way you want. But I can give you everything else. I can give you everything and anything in the world, but sex. 

And please don’t take this the wrong way when I say that when we shower together, I’m more interested in washing your hair and kissing your beautiful lips than I am of your dick. 

What I’m trying-and failing miserably-to put into words here is that ~~I don’t want to have sex with you.~~

No, no, let me rephrase that.

I _can’t_ want to have sex with you. 

And that’s not because I’m saving myself for marriage, that’s not because I’m just not ready yet, it’s because I’m asexual. 

There you have it, I’m asexual.

A person who has no sexual feelings or desires. And I’m so sorry, but I’m just unable to have sex with you, or anyone for that matter. But I wish I could have sex with you, I wish I could. Because then I could give you what you need. 

But like I said before, I can give you everything and anything else in the world. 

So please please _please_ don’t leave me. 

I love you with all my asexual heart.

_Yours, and yours forever,_

_Sam_.


	2. Gabriel’s Letter to Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel has read Sam’s letter. 
> 
> And now, he has a few things to say back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3

_Sam_ , 

Sammykins, Samunchkin, Samshine—and every other crazy nickname I give you, hi. 

I know that when you handed me your letter and scrambled off, you went to go hide in the backyard with the dogs. I know that you’re scared of my response to you being asexual, I know that you’re scared of me leaving you. 

Well I just wanna let you know that I’d have to actually be mentally _insane_ to leave you. 

It’s okay. 

It’s okay that you’re asexual, it’s not a bad thing at all. I know you’ll still be the amazing, adorable, gentle boyfriend that you always have been. I don’t give a shit about sex, I only care about you. And sure, in some other world where you’d want to have sex with me, I’d be 100% up for it, but I’m also 100% up for never having sex again. 

And don’t you dare feel bad for being you, don’t you dare feel guilty and feel the need to apologize. It’s not your fault at all. If you can’t give me something, you don’t fucking have to. I’m not gonna make you do something you feel uncomfortable doing. 

You gotta give shit up to be happy sometimes, kiddo. And trust me, I’m fucking _beyond_ happy with you. 

I still love you with every inch of my body, you know. In fact, I think I’m even more in love with you now. 

I’ve been your boyfriend for the year, and I plan on being your boyfriend, and eventually, your husband for the rest of our lives. 

And I will never, never, ever, _ever_ leave you. 

I love you, baby. 

Yours, and most definitely yours forever, 

_Gabriel_.

**Author's Note:**

> wattpad ; @gabeslittlemoosey


End file.
